Embarrassing Aragorn
by Snuffles2
Summary: Legolas decides to tell the Fellowship a story of Aragorn as a child, much to the Ranger's dismay. Competely rewritten! Please read it again, it's a lot better than last time. Het lovers, it's NON-SLASH! Updated as of 9-17
1. Author's Notes

Note: This is a re-write of Embarrassing Aragorn. I went back and read it again, and am surprised I got so many reviews as I did! The writing was horrible, and the chapters were all to hurried. (Mostly because I wanted to please the readers by getting it out fast, and soon just wanted it to be over with.) I've changed it a lot, though it follows the same string...hopefully the characters are more in character now. =)  
  
I've cut the slash (Sorry, sorry, it just really didn't fit with the story line), but there may be some later...though if I put it on I'll post it as an altenate version, so there is both slash and non-slash.   
  
Okay, readers. Readers of the old version-you rock my world! And their will be a sequel! But, who should I embarrass next? Legolas? Frodo? Boromir? Some one that isn't in the Fellowship? New readers-I hope you leave a review, and you should vote too!)  
  
So, hopefully this new version is better, the characters in character, the humor still there, and the story longer. And maybe a plot. :everyone gasps: 


	2. And So It Begins Again

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, and probably never will. *sighs wistfully*  
  
Warnings: Crossdressing... XD  
  
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"Legolas, tell us a story." The golden-haired elf looked down at the small hobbits that sat around the fire.   
  
"A story? What kind of story do you wish to hear?" he asked with a smile. Boromir and Gimli looked up with an interested air, but Aragorn just sat, smoking his pipe.  
  
"A funny story!" exclaimed Pippin.  
  
"Yes...a humorous story...we are in need of joy." said Frodo quietly.  
  
"A humorous story..." Legolas sat, and thought for a few moments before a mischievous smile crossed his face. Aragorn eyed his Elven friend, raising an eyebrow. He had seen that smile way to many times in his past, and knew that it would cause nothing but trouble. "I have just the one." The smile grew to a grin, and Aragorn sent a silent prayer to the Valar that it wouldn't be about him.  
  
Apparently the Valar were not listening.  
  
"Let's see, it was not to long ago; well, for me it was not, but for you perhaps it was. Aragorn was around the age of nine, young, even by human standards..." Aragorn froze, his mind quickly coming up with all the embarrassing stories that centered around that age. The incident with the cook, the nudity issue, the time he found a bottle of wine and got drunk, which also resulted in finding out how babies were made, the highly unorthodox way. And then there was that time- Aragorn blanched.  
  
"Legolas!" He shot a death glare at the elf, who smiled charmingly back. "You wouldn't dare." His voice was one that made brave men shrink back, and his foes shiver; yet it seemed not to have such an effect on Legolas, who let out a very un-princely giggle.  
  
"I am not sure whether he had gotten in to a bottle of wine (it wouldn't be the first time, mind you) or if he was in that stage of life where he-" Legolas was cut off, for Aragorn had marched over, and slapped a hand over the elf's mouth. The hobbits jumped, Boromir stared, and Gimli wondered what had gotten into the ranger; Gandalf, however, could not hold back a chuckle. Legolas's eyes danced with amusement, as he reached up and used a surprisingly strong grip to wrench Aragorn's hand from his mouth.   
  
"Now now Estel, that is hardly kind behavior. Certainly you would not wish to deprive the darling hobbits of a entertaining story?" He asked, putting on his most innocent face. Aragorn, being one of the few people who could resist the face (Although it was only for a short amount of time), glared stonily back.  
  
"Tell them about getting drunk. Tell them about my first 'girlfriend.' Tell them about the time Elladan and Elrohir convinced me that telling people to 'get laid' was a complement." (Boromir snorted in amusement at this.) "But you will -not- tell them about that." Legolas pouted.   
  
"Why not?"   
  
"I have dignity you know."  
  
"Could of surprised me." Legolas dodged a swipe to the head.   
  
"I know several embarrassing stories from your childhood."  
  
"You do not. You were not alive then."  
  
"I will ask the twins."  
  
"They are leagues away."  
  
"I will hurt you."  
  
"I am soooo scared." The rest of the Fellowship watched this in a sort of morbid fascination. The elf and man continued to bicker, Aragorn throwing out threats (decapitation, disembowelment, and several in elvish that caused Gandalf to snicker and Frodo to blush.), and Legolas countered them easily, looking like a child who had just done something amazingly clever. Finally Boromir cut into the childish bantering.   
  
"Aragorn, really, let Legolas tell the story."  
  
"Yeah!" Piped up Pippin. "Stop being so self centered." If looks could kill, Boromir and Pippin would be six feet under and eaten by worms by this point.  
  
"I agree!" Said Legolas cheerfully. "Now, Aragorn has somehow gotten it into his mind that he was female, and refused to be called anything but Luella-" Aragorn dropped what dignity he had left, and lunged at the elf, but came in contact with nothing but air as the elf dodged. "He had spent most of the week wearing a most interesting dress that he had stolen from one of the cooks..." This time Aragorn was a bit faster, catching Legolas in his arms.   
  
"We'll be right back." Said Aragorn in a sickly sweet tone, and wrenched the giggling elf around, pulling him into the darkness of the surrounding forest. All perked up their ears to listen, but the breeze brought back no sound, signaling that they had gone out of earshot.   
  
The normal readers of this story imagine that Legolas is getting a stern talking to by an angry Ranger (Legolas still giggling like a thrilled child), and the slash fans are snickering to themselves, mind lost in the gutter, just like the authoress's...  
  
But back to the rest of the Fellowship. Most of the members left at the camp site were quite unhappy that Legolas had been dragged away before the entire story could be told. One however, chuckled. All eyes went to Gandalf. The old wizard smiled, his eyes lit up by his pipe.   
  
"I can continue the story, if you wish..." 


	3. why is my brother in a dress?

:throws herself on the ground: Forgive me! Please, forgive me!!! With school starting and everything being hectic I pushed it out of my mind and forgot about it!! Now I come back to you, hoping not to be stoned for keeping you hanging.  
  
It's a plot building chapter... :wince: It didn't go the way I wanted it too, but I hope you enjoy it anyway....sorry about the shortness!! ;-;  
  
To all my reviewers, past and future, thank you so much for your support! If you'd like to see this story go a certain way, I'm always open for suggestions!   
  
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All eyes turned to the wizard, who blew a smoke ring. "See my friends, what Legolas did not know is that this all started with a piece of cake..." There were several confused looks. "See, there is a cook in the kitchen by the name of Tanthôniel. She was the maker of the most wonderful of desserts, and her best creation was her chocolate cake. Simple it may sound, but it was filled with rich chocolate made from beans in the south. It is mouthwateringly sweet; it seems to melt in your mouth with a-"  
  
"Er, Gandalf?" The wizard snapped out of his dreamy state.  
  
"What is it Boromir?"  
  
"Much as I hate to interrupt you, would you get on with the story? Any more describing and Pippin's going to start drooling on me." Indeed, the hobbits were much to interested in the cake, and Pippin's mouth was hanging open slightly.   
  
"Oh, yes, yes, I shall continue. Now, Estel, as Aragorn was known at that time, was under the impression that he had gotten to the last piece of cake first. But it was I who had gotten to the piece first..."  
  
Elrond was somewhere in between being exasperated and amused by the confrontation to his right. His foster son and the wizard were locked in a battle of wills (and forks) over a slice of cake.   
  
"I mean no offence Mithrandar, but it was I who got to the slice first."  
  
"Young child, you are dearly mistaken. I clearly got to it first."  
  
"I am not mistaken, I know that. It was I who was here first."  
  
"It is mine, back off!"   
  
"Make me!" Gandalf grinned wickedly.   
  
"Fine." A whisper was all it took. Estel sat as if suddenly stunned, then blinked, peering around the room in confusion.   
  
"Oh, like, this is weird. Where am I?" Elrond stared at his foster son, who fluttered his eyelashes. He had not known that Estel could actually hit that high of a note.   
  
"It is wonderful to see you again Luella." Said Gandalf with a mischievous grin.   
  
"Oh, like, it's you again! You're, like, Gandalf, right?" Estel (Or Luella, whichever you prefer) looked down. And screeched. Elrond cringed as the high note hit his ears.  
  
"Oh my god! I'm, like, in pants! And no makeup! And look at these nails! Ee gods, what's happened? This is horrible!! I can't be seen like this!" Estel quickly stood up, did a bad curtsey, and scurried from the room, leaving his foster father in shock.  
  
"Mithrandar, what have you done?"  
  
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About ten minutes had passed since Estel had left the room where Gandalf, Elrond, and he had been dining. It was at this time that Elladan and Elrohir were greeted with a strange sight. Their brother in a dress.  
  
The dress was an interesting shade of violet, which seemed more like pink in the sunlight. His dark hair was plaited into two parts, and he seemed to have gotten into a number of paints, for his lips were bright red, and his cheeks were dusted with pink; violet graced his eyelids. He was currently holding a rough stone, which he was desperately trying to file his nails with.  
  
"Er, Estel? Are you feeling well?" The young human looked up.   
  
"Oh, hi! Like, I think you've mistaken me for some guy. I'm Luella." He grinned in what he must of thought was a cute way (in all truth it was rather disturbing.)   
  
"Luella?" replied Elladan incredulously.   
  
"Yep!" Estel tossed the rock aside, quickly dusting off his hands. "And who are you?" He fluttered his eyelashes.  
  
"I am Elrohir, and this is Elladan." Replied Elrohir, speaking for them both since his brother seemed to be in a state of shock.  
  
"Oh, those are wonderful names!" Another flutter of the eyelashes. "Are you single?" He asked, with a seductive smile. Elladan seemed to be trying not to faint (or maybe it was that he wished not to burst out laughing. We shall never know.), but Elrhoir grinned wickedly.  
  
"I am afraid we are taken, dearest Luella, but I think I know someone who might be a wonderful catch for you..." He draped his arm around his younger brother's shoulders, and called in a sing-song voice: "Oh Glo-orfindel!" 


	4. The Trials of Glorfindel and the Finding...

The masses have spoken. I have been praised and yelled at. I present to you...a new chapter of Embarrassing Aragorn!!!  
  
:ducks thrown fruit from reviewers angry about being kept on hold so long:  
  
O_O :flees:  
  
Disclaimer: I own squat. Yep.  
  
*****  
  
Glorfindel was not, by any means, an imbecile. He knew very well that nothing but trouble could come of the tone that was calling him. He, however, also knew there was no escaping whatever fate the twins had spelled out for him. He set his face in a calm, lordly expression, and turned on his heel towards the voice.  
  
"You know, an expression of pure horror is so unattractive on one of your stature." Teased Elladan, finally getting his voice back.  
  
"Dear...Valar..." Stuttered the Elven lord, staring at the human that stood in between the two dark haired elves.  
  
"I do not think he likes me." Whimpered 'Luella,' jutting his lip out pitifully. His eyes got impossibly wide, watering up swiftly.  
  
"Glorfindel!" Scolded Elrhoir. "Be nice to our guest!" Glorfindel shut his mouth with a snap, glaring at the three of them.  
  
"Is this some kind of joke?" He asked, irritated that they would try and humiliate him.  
  
"He really doesn't like me!" Cried the cross dressed human, bursting into tears, which caused the paint on his eyes and cheeks to run. Despite the fact that he was sure it was a prank in which he was a victim, Glorfindel instantly felt guilty for making him cry. The twins recognized the regretful look, and as one grinned.   
  
"Apologize." Mouthed Elrohir over Estel's head, trying to look as serious as he could. Glorfindel sighed, casting an accusing look at the sky, before turning back to the sobbing human.  
  
"I am extremely sorry for my rudeness...ah..." He stumbled, unsure what gender he was supposed to assume the human was.  
  
"Luella." Squeaked the dark haired boy, looking at him from the safety of Elrohir's arms.   
  
"Miss Luella." Glorfindel looked at the twins automatically for cues on what he was supposed to do.  
  
"I think," quipped Elrohir, "that Glorfindel should show our dear Luella around Rivendell as payment for his discourtesy."   
  
"Indeed, I think that is a wonderful idea!" Replied Elladan, his impish grin now extremely obvious. Glorfindel gave both a glare that they were sure he had learned from Elrond (he gives lessons every Tuesday, at noon, in the West Garden, if you are interested.), but, by laws of social graces, could not refuse.  
  
"Come Miss Luella. Let me show you around." He offered his arm.  
  
He was later found hidden under Elrond's bed, where he was curled up, being very protective of the contents of his pants.  
  
"Mithrandar!" Snapped Elrond, stalking into the Istari's room after experiencing a quite eventful scene in his bedroom. "What exactly did you do to my son, and, more importantly, how do fix it?" The gray robed figure seemed to be untroubled by the Elven lord's storming in, and turned with a wry smile.  
  
"Why? What is wrong with him?" He asked innocently.  
  
"You know what, you...you..." The next words he said were inappropriate for the majority of the populace, and we are trying to keep this PG-13, so use your imagination.  
  
"That's hardly kind."   
  
"It is hardly kind to switch a boy's genders on a whim!"  
  
"I did not change his gender. He simply believes himself to be someone he's not. Based off an interesting lass I met...where was it...possibly Gondor. Or maybe it was a hobbit lass...I cannot seem to remember..."  
  
"Fix it!" Growled Elrond, clenching his fists so hard that his fingernails left red, crescent shaped marks on his palms.  
  
"Cannot do so." Replied the wizard cryptically, pushing a bit of shire weed into his pipe.   
  
"Why for is this task impossible for you?" asked Elrond, a plan forming in his mind. "I thought you were a great master of magic...it seems that I was wrong to assume, yes?"   
  
Wizards, all in all, have pride in their abilities, however often they hide it. It was their weak spot; any time someone insulted their abilities, it was wizard custom to prove them wrong.  
  
Gandalf was a wizard, and this same weakness belonged to him; he, however, knew what the Elven lord was doing. Torn between the amusement of angering Elrond more and the fuming little voice in his head that wished to prove the elf wrong, he simply scowled.  
  
Then an idea clicked.  
  
"Here's what you must do..." 


End file.
